He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
