i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
