I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i out mim tonsoeep
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