i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
