I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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