You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
