Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
