No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
