She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize