I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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