I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
