Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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