Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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