We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
