i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize