Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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