Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
