my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
