There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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