We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
