Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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