yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
