I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize