some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
