i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
