Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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