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I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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