Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
