Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
