Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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