Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize