I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
