That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
