fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
