The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
