the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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