drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
