moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
