somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
