Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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