Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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