Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
