I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
