Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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