How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
