i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
