But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
