I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
