Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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