Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
