omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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