The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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