Welp...herpes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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