too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
