she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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