He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
