I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
