I am in a vortex of obligation.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize