; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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