i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
