I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
