My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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