guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize