Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
