There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
