this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
