Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
