i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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