I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
