I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
