2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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