im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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