i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
