it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
