Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
