I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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