i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
